


Should be Living a Different Life

by Chibifukurou



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: F/F, Gender Dysphoria, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, body dis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 17:38:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1275136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chibifukurou/pseuds/Chibifukurou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ella didn't want to miss hearing her favorite singer Frankie Iero. That doesn't make it any easier to go to the club when she's having such a bad day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Should be Living a Different Life

**Author's Note:**

> dysforia; body issues
> 
> Notes: Title taken from the Lyrics of Against Me!'s ["True Trans Soul Rebel"](http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/againstme/truetranssoulrebel.html)
> 
>  
> 
> A massive thank you to Ivory Gates, who looked this over even though they aren't in Bandom and were reading about people they didn't know. They made my writing so much better than it could ever be if I was on my own.
> 
> Notes(2)  
> I went with Majella "Ella" for Gerard's name because one of the best known Gerard's is St. Gerard Majella who has a small parish dedicated to him in the Borough of Queens. He is the saint of expectant mothers and was said to be able to look into other people's consciousness.

...Should be Living a Different Life...

Ella still isn't sure that she's up to being out tonight. Only a mixture of Mikey's begging and her own fascination with the first band of the night manages to force her out of her basement room and into the harsh environment of a punk-rock concert. There are lights flashing around the stage and everybody is packed into each other's space.

The only way she manages to get any breathing-room is by picking a little two person table set up next to the rest-rooms. Being so far away from the stage doesn't keep Ella from feel the lead singer's charisma. Ella freely admits that she's a huge fan of Francis "Frankie" Iero and the other members of the Invisible Warriors.

Which just makes her feel more uncomfortable about being out here tonight. Ella brushes hair out of her eyes. Her bangs area limp greasy rats' nest that keeps blocking her view of the stage. Frankie is a tiny thing. Black hair in a riotous pixie cut that creates a halo against the stage lights.

The urge to get closer to Frankie is like a tractor beam wrapping around Ella's body and pulling her towards the front of the packed dance floor. Trying to make her go where she doesn't want to be.

Packed in among the people at the front, she won't be able to keep her own bubble of space. People might crash into her. Today that feels like the worst thing that could happen to her. Inside she's Ella in every way that matters, but outside she's still stuck in Gerard's body. If somebody starts calling her 'dude' or even worse demands to know why she's at a feminist punk concert when she's a _man_ she's likely to go a little crazy.

Because she is a woman, no matter what her outside looks like. Frankie is on stage shouting to the world that you can't let anybody tell you who you were born to be. Ella just wishes things were that simple. Because so much of her life is defined by what she looks like on the outside.  
On her good days Ella can get dressed up and put on make-up and her breast prosthetics. She sometimes even makes it into college without anybody staring at her like she's a man playing at being a woman.

Her fingers dig into the tabletop .This isn't a good day. She'd only felt up to dabbing on a little lip-gloss and her eye make-up is so dark she looks more like a goth-kid than a girl. The black hoodie she's huddled into doesn't give her a feminine silhouette, but it does a better job of hiding her body then the thin t-shirt she has on underneath. She's zippered up her hood so that she can tuck her chin to her chest and hide her neck.

She hides her too-big hands in the worn sleeves and have the band logo stretched across the front helps cover the fact she doesn't have a bosom. Being able to pass for androgynous while hiding in the dimply lit back corner of the club isn't the same as striding up to the stand by the stage and saying 'screw you' to anybody that tries to tell her she doesn’t have the right to be here. She really doesn't want to deal with the second option, at least not when she doesn't have Mikey to watch her back.

So Ella concentrates on the stains on the table-top, imagining them as vampire fanged bunny rabbits. It helps when she's not looking at the Frankie. She can just concentrate on the music and listen to Frankie's husky voice. So beautiful and so feminine it makes something inside Ella's chest burn and twist with jealousy.

Ella wishes she could listen to Frankie sing for the rest of the night, but the bands are switching out. It releases the spell on Ella and she can go back to picking at her peeling nail polish and waiting for Mikey.

The last thing she's expecting is for somebody to sit down on the opposite side of the table. She doesn't even notice at first. Until whoever it is bumps the table and pushes it up against her stomach.

She glances up to find the lead singer sitting across from her. She's even more gorgeous close up. Her hair is fuzzing around her head from the humidity and her make-up streaks down her cheeks. It is her grin that is most engaging. Big, wide, and full of joy. "So, how did you like the show? I saw you watching."

"Yeah, it was nice." Ella tries to pitch her voice higher, but still doesn't want to risk saying more than a few words. Even when she's dressed up enough to pass, she tends to keep to speaking in whispers. Something that won't work with how loud the club is.  
"I'm Frankie, but you probably already know that." She nodded to one of the concert posters tacked to the wall by the bathroom door.

"Majella, but you can call me Ella."

"Cool, you're Mikey's sister right? You've got his." Frankie makes a circular motion at her face. "You know - face. He said he were a big fan of the last album."

Ella tries to figure out if she's being mocked but Frankie doesn't seem to mean it in a bad way. Frankie isn't even staring at Ella like people usually do when they are trying to decide if she's a freak. Instead she's watching the stage and bobbing along to the music. "Yeah, I loved how you weaved together feminist theory with the idea of a person's right to choose their own identity."

Frankie turns and gifts her with a blinding smile. "Yeah, not a lot of people got that. Most people just figured we were trying to write the next Feminist fight song. We've mostly given up trying to explain we actually were trying to make a point about people who don't think other women qualify as 'feminist' enough."

Pete's band is up next, which means Mikey should be here soon. Then Frankie will leave. Funny how Ella doesn't want her to go. Despite the fact she hadn't felt like dealing with other people when she came to the bar. It's stupid to get her hopes up. Frankie is probably just waiting to speak with Mikey. Or even worse make-out with him. People don't pay attention to Ella when Mikey's around.

She's the moon to Mikey's gravity.

Frankie jumps off the stool and turns her attention back towards Ella. "I'm gonna go get us some drinks. Anything in particular you want?"

Ella shakes her head. Not sure whether she is saying that she didn't know what she wants or if she's just trying to keep from saying anything.

Frankie pushes her way through the crowd and out of sight. She's not coming back. There are plenty of people prettier and more well adjusted than Ella if Frankie is looking for a one night stand. Maybe she saw Mikey and has gone to talk to him where his freak of a sister won't overhear.

Maybe Ella should just go home for the night. Mikey won't be pleased, but she's made an effort. She came out tonight even though she felt terrible. Mikey can't expect much more of her. Particularly not if she catches him making out with Frankie, a girl Ella's got a hopeless crush on.

She starts patting down her pockets, to figure out which one she tucked her phone into. She'll just text Mikey an excuse. If she hurries she'll be able to catch the last bus home.

She's just about hit send when Frankie pops back up by the table. "Sorry it took so long. You wouldn't believe the line for drinks. It's not like they've even got good beer. My choices were piss water or overpriced mixed drinks."

The bright blue drink that Frankie shoves into Ella's hands looks like some sort of slushie hybrid. She sniffs it, trying to figure out what it's supposed to be.

"Don't ask me. I just asked the bartender to give me something weak enough that it didn’t taste like lighter fluid. She holds her own drink up. It is neon pink and frothy. I got something with a little more kick if you want to switch. I'll take a couple sips out of yours if you like. Don't want you to think I'm trying to poison you." She winks at Ella.

Ella feels her face heating. She's oblivious when it comes to people flirting with her. It is a constant complaint of Mikey's. This time though, she can definitely tell that Frankie is flirting..

She still doesn't know how to feel about it. Frankie is beautiful and so full of life that Ella wants to see if it will rub off on her. That is madness. Ella can barely stand her own body. She can't expect Frankie to accept her if she sees what is hiding under her hoodie. "It's fine. Any friend of Mikey's."

"You should be more careful. A pretty girl like you, you never know what might happen."

Ella shrugs and takes a sip of her drink. Flinching when the mixture hit her tongue. It is like trying to drink icy-hot. It burns even while it makes her whole mouth tingle. "That's terrible." She sticks her tongue out sideways and closes one eye, trying to make sure she hasn't burned her taste-buds off.

Her tongue looks okay, but she only has a second to survey the damage. Frankie leans across the table and sucks Ella's tongue into her mouth.

Frankie deepens the kiss until she's got her arms wrapped around Ella's shoulders and neck. Ella is so involved that she doesn't notice their company until somebody clears their throat right next to her.  
She jumps back and ends up looking Mikey dead in the eyes. Her blush goes nuclear. Frankie just laughs and it draws Ella's attention away from Mikey. All she can do is stare at Frankie's mouth and the way the skin crinkles around the corner of her eyes.

Frankie grabs Ella's hand and pulls it towards her, revealing the stretch of Ella's wrist to the dim club light. Ella almost yanks away and tries to hide her hands back inside her hoodie.

Frankie pops the lid off the pen she manages to fish out of her extremely tight and flattering pants. Then she writes a phone number on the thin skin of Ella's wrist. "Nice seeing you Mikey. And Ella, do call." She tosses another flirtatious wink over her shoulder before disappearing back into the crowd.

Mikey whistles. "You work fast."

"Oh, shut up." Ella says. Trying to hold on to the bad mood she'd had when she came to the club. She can't do it though, not when she keeps reaching out to rub a finger over the ink on her wrist.

Frankie is wonderful, and never for a minute did it feel like she saw Ella as anything but a girl. It feels amazing.


End file.
